Why is it so hard that the moment I determine to do something, it is the hardest to accomplish?
I figured a missing element in my approach to life: Consistency.
The only thing I have been consistent with is not being consistent (cliche!).
And I have seen what consistency can do (albeit rarely)— how results accummulate and the humbling effect of looking back at how far one has come; the determination and the courage to make an effort, showing up daily- not for others but for yourself, the dopamine kick of completing an ambitious to-do list…
I have also felt the burnout or loss of motivation or loss of vision when the initial excitement fizzles or when there is a shock to the routine or when the going gets hard or a mix bag of all the above.
It has been rare something would stick.
I have experiemented, written pages of ambitious plans, gave them names quivalent to some mission and many aspects of life getting washed down in procrastination, the feeling of not good enough and the paralytic affect of the self critic that discourages the act of making effort.
Giving up seems to have become the default.
And here I am today. Not sooner or later, just Today/ Now.
I think a lot.
About different things, but especially how circumstances, situations and people make me feel. And I tend to question that — first with an emotional outburst (mostly anger) and then just living with the feeling to figure ‘why’ the emotion.
So I know there is lot I want to talk about. And more so, put it out there.
Writing is therapeutic, it is the only medium I know (pun intended) that gives me peace of somekind and has the ability to put me in a trans where it just flows.
So, while cleaning a shelf with background of thoughts something inside me said —
please, write
whatever it is, just write and put it out
write everyday, some words
no promises, no big mission words
no attachments,
no tomorrow, no yesterday
write for today.
write what you feel like, write even if you’re questioning something
no body has to even read it.
but this is something you have known ever since so young
so do yourself a favor and just write.
I found myself making a promise to myself that I will write. I want to be able to write, find sense of where I am in life — emotionally and inviting consistency to be a part of me.
Thank You
for reading thus far.
