Circular thoughts (Day 2)
I went into a mind freeze as soon as the page opened, while prior to that I had all the starting lines floating about.
Rather I couldn’t make up my mind that should I talk about how angry I have been feeling with things lately?, Or
How much work is just making the days go by? I like when there is “work” to do, because that is an undisputable excuse to not doing something/ meeting somebody/ canceling plans; but when it comes to being at work, I feel like doing anything but. Or
Am I just looking for some peace of mind in general? Away from thinking about what meals to prepare, what chore to do next, what is next on the agenda, but I also want to check Insta in the middle and check random emails and messages (just in case I may have receievd them, even though there is nothing). Or
Maybe it is an over arching disappointment with just how things are and that is where anger is coming from? or there has been a lot of anger already piled up but is now getting triggerred because the environment has changed? To be honest the home I grew up in is the only home I associate with, still. It gives that gooey warmth, a sense of unconditional love layered in the bricks that make the wall, and just the affectionate sensation of Home. I have been trying to make Home since over a year now and while there are moments that feel like it is getting there, but then there is often an after thought- am I, really?
I don’t want to go into pointless rant. Everything feels chaotic.
Jumbled.
and it just feels better to sort them out, like how sorting stuff does. Which is all I need at this point of time. With all the chaos, still, somehow feeling better.
Thank You
for reading thus far.
